Ask Pocahontas

I'm Living in the 80's

2008-11-26T20:30:00.000-08:00

what's your policy on rebounds? how long do you think it should take from one relationship to the next, and why?

-Ryan

In truth, this is a very hard question to answer. It depends on person to person really. If your urge is to screw the next person you see, then there it is. But really, you've got to ask yourself: is it for the best? Probably not. And if you ever hope to reconcile: JUST SAY NO. Even if that person loves you, something will be tainted about you if they find out that you screwed someone the night after you guys broke up.

But, on the other hand, if you never want to see your ex again? Then...it just depends. Figure out what you want. If you want a one night stand, remember the consequences. If you want a new relationship, remember your dirty laundry still hasn't been washed (most likely, anyway).

Why do so many people idolize the "white trash", "redneck", or "ghetto" lifestyle that is see in popular culture? They originally started out as derogatory terms, and now it's a mark of pride. Why is it so cool to be trashy?

-Samina

In my opinion, it has something to do with being tough. Both cultures have tribal tendencies. You're in with a herd. And it makes you feel tough. And acting that way makes you feel tough too. Also, believe it or not, some people really find acting in those manners/dressing in those ways attractive. Why, I can't say. I think it's just like a learned mannerism.

Also, they've done studies that say the females in those demographics are targeted by tobacco companies, because they're allegedly stupid. Now, girls should ask themselves...if you're targeted because you're believed to be stupid...try to do something positive. Everyone's entitled to certain tastes. You can be country or ethnic without being trashy. People do it all the time. But really, I think the trashy ones just do it to be cool/tough.

That's my opinion anwyays.

why are spongues more amazing than Ashe?

-Ashe

They're not. Whoever said they were was an outright liar and I will call them one to their face. Dammit.

When will this 80s revival end? I'm sick of big hair, neon shirts, and plastic jewelry.

-Samina

Whilst I think it's a noble fashion effort to pay homage to your birth decade, you can very well go too far. Hence Heidi Montag's (I barely know who she is, but I've watched it) music video. Barf. That is pretty much as far as you can take it before someone rips your spiked heels of your feet and stabs you in the eyes with them.

Dear Pocahontas,

Last night, I had a dream that I was an apple and someone was eating me. What's your take on this?

-Persian Al

It's obviously sexually related. Apples signify the forbidden. Did you wake up all wet this morning?

Geek Girls Make Me Quiver (in the good way)

2008-09-24T13:25:00.000-07:00

Where do geek girls get all the awesome from? We suspect it's a secret store for pretty girls who aren't stupid.

-Ashe and Laika

Pocahontas can say with all honesty that you boys need to watch more Coupling. If you did, you'd know without a doubt that all women belong to a vast worldwide sisterhood. You would know that there are never more than ten pairs of pantyhose at any given time and that we swap them back and forth for work meetings and kinky nights in (we wash them, of course).

That being said, think of awesome geek girls as a guild within the worldwide sisterhood. They have their resources. It may not be an actual store, but boy do that hey have their resources. And that's really all I can say without being lynched (it is the ultimate dishonor to betray secrets of the Sisterhood).

Tits

2008-09-24T12:58:00.000-07:00

Why do skanky chicks with "big boobs" use the excuse "I have big boobs" when someone calls them on taking vertical, cleavage enhancing pics? Inquiring minds want to know.

-Ashe

True Story: Pocahontas herself is well-endowed. Thus, being well-endowed, she sometimes shows a positively mortifying amount of cleavage in pictures that she didn't know was present until after she sees them. Now, these skanky big-boobed chicks could be innocent like Pocahontas...or they could be well aware of the fact that the vertical angle is advantageous for cleavage spotting.

After all, every woman has her own opinion of what her best assets are. Women with large boobs tend to (but not always) fall into two categories: those who think their tits are their best asset, and those who think they are their worst. If there are a ton of pics like this, then it's safe to say she is in the former category.

Relationships and Fruit

2008-09-20T11:56:00.000-07:00

Question:

OK How is the best way to break up with a girl? Say you like her and you want to stay friends but you don't want to hurt her and you aren't feelin' it anymore?

- Confused in Minnesota

Answer:

Pocahontas would first ask the asker to look inside himself or herself and think for a moment. Is this what you really want? Think long and hard, because there's never any going back. If you have decided it is what you really must do, then it can (and should) be done.

Step one, initiate the conversation. If she is not expecting it, you will have to be the one to bring up the topic. Be kind, but firm. If she is not expecting it, chances are, she doesn't want it to happen. But if it's what you gotta do, stand your ground. Tell her how you feel. Tell her you want to be her friend. And if you're lucky, she will let you.

Pocahontas can't honestly say what will become of the situation, but it is best to tell her up front exactly what the problems are, why you think it's best, and your hopes for the future. Don't give her an inch. If it's over, it's over. And if you want to be her friend, there can be no breakup sex. Just because you can separate friend sex from boyfriend/girlfriend sex doesn't mean she can. After all, she's emotionally vulnerable, being the one who was just dumped.

So, if you want to be her friend. Be her friend. Pocahontas can say there will be crying, but if it's for the best, then so be it.

Question:

Dear Pocahontas,

Last night, I had a dream that I was an apple and someone was eating me. What's your take on this?

-The Dreamer

Answer:

Pocahontas would be curious herself as to why you would dream you are such a forbidden fruit. Are you forbidden? Or do you think you are? And who was eating you? That is the question. Maybe you are temping someone and only know it on a subconscious level. Pocahontas knows things. Trust in her mystical powers of dream ~~persuasion~~ interpretation. ~~mwahahahahaha!~~

Disclaimer: Pocahontas and any entities associated with the name or whatever do not claim to be authorities on dream ~~persuasion~~ interpretation.

On a side note, dreaming you're food doesn't necessarily mean you're weird.

Question:

My boyfriend keeps telling me he'll call and he never does. Why is that?

-An Angry Girlfriend

Answer:

Pocahontas hates to state the obvious, but she wonders: is he your real boyfriend or is he just your boyfriend. If he is really your boyfriend and acknowledges such, then all Pocahontas can say on the subject is this: he's a man. If you stopped calling him, he'd probably call you.

Almost a Year Now

2008-08-14T17:29:00.001-07:00

Since I last updated. That's why I'm updating.

This question comes from Ashe:

"Why?"

Answer:

In general, one asks this question often. "Why?" is a question that is so basic, it comes as a gut reaction for most people. You find out you've been selected for an audit, your reply is: "Why?". Or perhaps you've found out that the sky has become a lovely green color, you would almost always ask: "Why?" (if you were going to ask anything, which under the circumstances, you probably wouldn't).

Sometimes it's a rhetorical question -- the answer is already known and doesn't need to be said.

But in answer to the aforementioned question: "Because."

2007-07-08T13:03:00.000-07:00

Dear Pocahontas,

What came first? The chicken or the egg? - Ryan

This question confuses a lot of people, but I have a very simple answer: single-celled organisms. Yes, I'm speaking of evolution, my friends. And what was between single-celled organsims and the chickens we know today had to have looked pretty damn weird and I can't really explain it, but yeah: single-celled organisms. They developed into proto-chickens, if you will, which began to lay eggs. This is just what I imagine happened. I'm not a scientist, but it's close enough.

Why are so many girls complete frelling idiots? - Travis

I've often asked myself this question. And I've come up with a lot of answers:

1. Enhanced verbal skills makes them more likely to gossip. Gossiping equals instant idiocy.

2. Many of them just wanna get laid, much like men. This also equals instant idiocy.

3. They have preconcieved notions of how they should act and usually those notions are misguided.

4. They travel in packs and each want to be the alpha wolf. This leads to backstabbing, which is helped along by the enhanced verbal skills.

5. A lot of them want to play games. Many of us have evolved beyond this, but still, game players are still out there in droves. Just stay clear of that sort.

6. Too much hairspray. Not only does it deplete the ozone layer, but I believe it also depletes brain cells...like alcohol or rap. Most of their beauty products just aren't good for them...like bleach or acrylic nails.

7. Many -- though not all -- are manipulative by nature. This goes alogn with the game playing. Steer clear!

8. Some like to see boys cry. It's like a fetish. You are their prey; get used to it.

9. A lot of them are full of themselves.

10. They know how males think and use it against them -- it's their biggest weapon.

There's more answers, but that covers the gist. I'm probably being kicked out of the womanly sisterhood as I type this now, but I reckoned you all needed to know, if you didn't already. See? We're not all bad.

Atlantis

2007-06-19T21:09:00.000-07:00

Will Sheppard end up with Dr.Weir? lol. - The Brando Lover

I've always thought so. I mean, Ronon seemed to think that Sheppard might get with Teyla in a reason episode, but I think that's just because Ronon likes Teyla and wanted to see whether Sheppard did or not.

So yeah, whenever the show began...a lot of people were probably all like "Sheppard/Teyla! OMG!!"...but I never really saw it. It's always been Sheppard/Weir for me. It's obvious they've got the hots for each other.

Deathly Hallows and Other Scary Things (Meaning Love)

2007-06-18T16:16:00.000-07:00

Will Harry Potter die? - the Brando Lover

This is a really tough question. I consider myself to be quite the Potterphile and I'm torn.

I don't want him to die, as I love Harry. He's had a tough life, and it seems like it'll all be for naught if he actually kicks the bucket. But all the same, there are things that seem to suggest that he might die. For instance, Hermione is the heroine of the story. Normally, the heroine ends up with the hero, but JK Rowling has basically stated that Harry will not end up with her. It seems that Hermione is going to end up with Ron, the sidekick. And this just strikes me as odd. It doesn't follow the standard format.

So, I think it's up in the air. I really don't want him to die. But it could really happen.

-Pocahontas

Who should I love? - Emily

This is also a really tough question. And in this instance, it's even more important that I put my personal opinion aside, and try to be objective.

The best thing I can say is go with the one who covers some of the basic needs that one needs in a relationship: Do they love you back? Are they sane? Do they treat you nicely? They're not a puppy kicker, are they?...That sort of thing. And then, once you weed it down to a select few, you have to think about this in even MORE detail...who makes you feel the best? Who do you have the most fun with?

And also, you have to consider who you love more and in which way you love them. Sometimes, people mistake platonic love for something more. So, if you love one or more of these guys only platonically, count them out. You're not gonna magically love them deeper.

Then you gotta think...do you have a connection with them? Anyone who's really been in love knows this connection of which I speak. It's something deeper than logic or emotion; it's knowledge on a basic level. You just -- like -- know, you know?

These are all things to consider. I can't tell you who, specifically. I might like to tell you who NOT to love, but that is because I'm bossy. However, I'm mature enough to know it's not my place.

Hope that was of some help.

Your awesome friend,
Pocahontas

Cheating

2007-06-17T20:51:00.000-07:00

Which is worse, to cheat with a kiss, or to cheat with, how would you say, bedding, but no kissing? - Ryan

This is difficult. It's kinda like in Pretty Woman, where she says she doesn't kiss on the mouth, because it's too personal or whatever.

In my opinion, bedding without kissing is worse. Bedding implies that there's deeper desire and/or sincere feelings than just kissing. You can kiss someone you hate, but chances are, you're not going to want to sleep with them. And if your significant other has feelings for the person they are cheating with, then that just brings the cheating to a whole new horrible level.

Also, kissing can't get you pregnant, no matter what your mother and grandmothers try to tell you. =D

Pie

2007-06-17T19:15:00.000-07:00

Do you like pie? - Boy I Saw at that Place Last Night

Yes, I like pie. I like all sorts of pies. I like pumpkin pie, strawberry rhubarb pie, and coconut cream pie. And I like the savory pies as well...like crawfish, chicken pot pie, etc.

But I dislike banana cream pie. I really do. It's icky. That's mainly owing to the fact that bananas are icky.

-Pocahontas

If Pocahontas Ruled the World...

2007-06-17T11:56:00.000-07:00

My first question comes from my dear friend, Travis.

If you could rule the world, what would you do and what would it be like? - Travis

If I could rule the world, there would be no "real guns". Why? Because it's simple: yeah, it can be fun to aim a gun and shoot stuff -- but why not just get a BB gun? So, if you need a real gun, it just means that you wanna kill stuff. And you shouldn't want to kill stuff. And if you wanna be tough...be tough with fists, the way nature intended, dammit.

Another thing I would do is make sure every school taught music. A lot of schools don't, and it's a shame, because music is awesome. I like music. I can listen to it all day.

And you know how in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, they're like "be excellent to each other". Well, I'd enforce that. Because people usually aren't excellent to each other and that just has to stop. It hurts my head.

I would also make record players more common. I miss record players. They were/are awesome. Music just sounds better that way...I don't know why.

In my world, parents would also be parents. The Baby Boomers could learn a thing or two in my world.

And I would enforce social/dating/mating etiquette. I really would. And if any man talks to a woman disrespectfully, he gets to take classes on how to treat women with respect.

I could go on and on, but that's the stuff that came to my mind just then. =D

-Pocahontas

Welcome

2007-06-17T11:28:00.000-07:00

The idea for this was inspired by my friend Ryan and the idea is very simple: ask Pocahontas, which would be me. Why am I calling myself Pocahontas these days? I dunno -- it's what Ryan calls me.

The point: ask me questions, advice, etc., and I'll post your questions (anonymously, if you like) with my answers. I don't pretend to be an expert or a professional advice giver, so consider this a dislclaimer...meaning I don't want to be sued or something ridiculous. This blog is purely for amusement, and maybe I can help some people out along the way.

Your faithful servent,
Pocahontas

P.S. You're probably wanting to know how to actually question me, right? Message me at askpocahontas@gmail.com or if you're my myspace friend, you can message me on myspace.

P.P.S. I take confidentiality seriously, so I'm not going to tell people you're the one who asked the question if you don't want me to. But if you're still worried about confidentiality, just don't ask me things you don't mind being posted over the internet, capice?