Sunday, July 8, 2007

Dear Pocahontas,

What came first? The chicken or the egg? - Ryan

This question confuses a lot of people, but I have a very simple answer: single-celled organisms. Yes, I'm speaking of evolution, my friends. And what was between single-celled organsims and the chickens we know today had to have looked pretty damn weird and I can't really explain it, but yeah: single-celled organisms. They developed into proto-chickens, if you will, which began to lay eggs. This is just what I imagine happened. I'm not a scientist, but it's close enough.

Why are so many girls complete frelling idiots? - Travis

I've often asked myself this question. And I've come up with a lot of answers:

1. Enhanced verbal skills makes them more likely to gossip. Gossiping equals instant idiocy.

2. Many of them just wanna get laid, much like men. This also equals instant idiocy.

3. They have preconcieved notions of how they should act and usually those notions are misguided.

4. They travel in packs and each want to be the alpha wolf. This leads to backstabbing, which is helped along by the enhanced verbal skills.

5. A lot of them want to play games. Many of us have evolved beyond this, but still, game players are still out there in droves. Just stay clear of that sort.

6. Too much hairspray. Not only does it deplete the ozone layer, but I believe it also depletes brain alcohol or rap. Most of their beauty products just aren't good for bleach or acrylic nails.

7. Many -- though not all -- are manipulative by nature. This goes alogn with the game playing. Steer clear!

8. Some like to see boys cry. It's like a fetish. You are their prey; get used to it.

9. A lot of them are full of themselves.

10. They know how males think and use it against them -- it's their biggest weapon.

There's more answers, but that covers the gist. I'm probably being kicked out of the womanly sisterhood as I type this now, but I reckoned you all needed to know, if you didn't already. See? We're not all bad.

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