Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Geek Girls Make Me Quiver (in the good way)

Where do geek girls get all the awesome from? We suspect it's a secret store for pretty girls who aren't stupid.

-Ashe and Laika

Pocahontas can say with all honesty that you boys need to watch more Coupling. If you did, you'd know without a doubt that all women belong to a vast worldwide sisterhood. You would know that there are never more than ten pairs of pantyhose at any given time and that we swap them back and forth for work meetings and kinky nights in (we wash them, of course).

That being said, think of awesome geek girls as a guild within the worldwide sisterhood. They have their resources. It may not be an actual store, but boy do that hey have their resources. And that's really all I can say without being lynched (it is the ultimate dishonor to betray secrets of the Sisterhood).


Why do skanky chicks with "big boobs" use the excuse "I have big boobs" when someone calls them on taking vertical, cleavage enhancing pics? Inquiring minds want to know.


True Story: Pocahontas herself is well-endowed. Thus, being well-endowed, she sometimes shows a positively mortifying amount of cleavage in pictures that she didn't know was present until after she sees them. Now, these skanky big-boobed chicks could be innocent like Pocahontas...or they could be well aware of the fact that the vertical angle is advantageous for cleavage spotting.

After all, every woman has her own opinion of what her best assets are. Women with large boobs tend to (but not always) fall into two categories: those who think their tits are their best asset, and those who think they are their worst. If there are a ton of pics like this, then it's safe to say she is in the former category.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Relationships and Fruit


OK How is the best way to break up with a girl? Say you like her and you want to stay friends but you don't want to hurt her and you aren't feelin' it anymore?

- Confused in Minnesota


Pocahontas would first ask the asker to look inside himself or herself and think for a moment. Is this what you really want? Think long and hard, because there's never any going back. If you have decided it is what you really must do, then it can (and should) be done.

Step one, initiate the conversation. If she is not expecting it, you will have to be the one to bring up the topic. Be kind, but firm. If she is not expecting it, chances are, she doesn't want it to happen. But if it's what you gotta do, stand your ground. Tell her how you feel. Tell her you want to be her friend. And if you're lucky, she will let you.

Pocahontas can't honestly say what will become of the situation, but it is best to tell her up front exactly what the problems are, why you think it's best, and your hopes for the future. Don't give her an inch. If it's over, it's over. And if you want to be her friend, there can be no breakup sex. Just because you can separate friend sex from boyfriend/girlfriend sex doesn't mean she can. After all, she's emotionally vulnerable, being the one who was just dumped.

So, if you want to be her friend. Be her friend. Pocahontas can say there will be crying, but if it's for the best, then so be it.


Dear Pocahontas,

Last night, I had a dream that I was an apple and someone was eating me. What's your take on this?

-The Dreamer


Pocahontas would be curious herself as to why you would dream you are such a forbidden fruit. Are you forbidden? Or do you think you are? And who was eating you? That is the question. Maybe you are temping someone and only know it on a subconscious level. Pocahontas knows things. Trust in her mystical powers of dream persuasion interpretation. mwahahahahaha!

Disclaimer: Pocahontas and any entities associated with the name or whatever do not claim to be authorities on dream persuasion interpretation.

On a side note, dreaming you're food doesn't necessarily mean you're weird.


My boyfriend keeps telling me he'll call and he never does. Why is that?

-An Angry Girlfriend


Pocahontas hates to state the obvious, but she wonders: is he your real boyfriend or is he just your boyfriend. If he is really your boyfriend and acknowledges such, then all Pocahontas can say on the subject is this: he's a man. If you stopped calling him, he'd probably call you.