Saturday, September 20, 2008

Relationships and Fruit


OK How is the best way to break up with a girl? Say you like her and you want to stay friends but you don't want to hurt her and you aren't feelin' it anymore?

- Confused in Minnesota


Pocahontas would first ask the asker to look inside himself or herself and think for a moment. Is this what you really want? Think long and hard, because there's never any going back. If you have decided it is what you really must do, then it can (and should) be done.

Step one, initiate the conversation. If she is not expecting it, you will have to be the one to bring up the topic. Be kind, but firm. If she is not expecting it, chances are, she doesn't want it to happen. But if it's what you gotta do, stand your ground. Tell her how you feel. Tell her you want to be her friend. And if you're lucky, she will let you.

Pocahontas can't honestly say what will become of the situation, but it is best to tell her up front exactly what the problems are, why you think it's best, and your hopes for the future. Don't give her an inch. If it's over, it's over. And if you want to be her friend, there can be no breakup sex. Just because you can separate friend sex from boyfriend/girlfriend sex doesn't mean she can. After all, she's emotionally vulnerable, being the one who was just dumped.

So, if you want to be her friend. Be her friend. Pocahontas can say there will be crying, but if it's for the best, then so be it.


Dear Pocahontas,

Last night, I had a dream that I was an apple and someone was eating me. What's your take on this?

-The Dreamer


Pocahontas would be curious herself as to why you would dream you are such a forbidden fruit. Are you forbidden? Or do you think you are? And who was eating you? That is the question. Maybe you are temping someone and only know it on a subconscious level. Pocahontas knows things. Trust in her mystical powers of dream persuasion interpretation. mwahahahahaha!

Disclaimer: Pocahontas and any entities associated with the name or whatever do not claim to be authorities on dream persuasion interpretation.

On a side note, dreaming you're food doesn't necessarily mean you're weird.


My boyfriend keeps telling me he'll call and he never does. Why is that?

-An Angry Girlfriend


Pocahontas hates to state the obvious, but she wonders: is he your real boyfriend or is he just your boyfriend. If he is really your boyfriend and acknowledges such, then all Pocahontas can say on the subject is this: he's a man. If you stopped calling him, he'd probably call you.

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